Taking the “shoulds” and transforming them into your “self.”
By Leslie K. Hughes
I woke up today feeling different; a shift in my energy.
Not bad, just different. Like I had quantum leaped into a new version of myself.
I took a step back and started thinking via the lens of this new version of me, “Who am I? What do I want?”
And I realized that the version of me yesterday and for as long as I can remember would have been flooded with “shoulds” when attempting to answer these questions.
Shoulds about what I ought to be doing with my career, my relationships, my free time, my creativity, my writing.
Shoulds about who I ought to be.
Though I certainly didn’t always follow those shoulds, they were undeniably present and it felt like an act of rebellion to go against them.
What “shoulds” am I talking about? Where were they coming from?
External noise.
There’s so much external noise in the world that I realized I couldn’t even hear myself think.
Podcasts, Instagram, TikTok, news, friends & family, colleagues, etc. There are a seemingly infinite number of ways to get a look into the lives and minds of others and as a result, feel as if we ought to be living our lives differently.
I recognize I’m an active and willing participant in this. I choose everyday to open apps on my phone and see what people are thinking and doing.
And I’m not here to completely demonize external noise. Connecting with people in your life and gaining insight from them is beautiful and essential. And I think social media platforms can be a vibrant source of art, inspiration, entertainment, information, and connection.
But the way we consume and openly accept external noise today is at an unfathomable scale. We rarely (if ever) stop to think about what we want and who we are sans all that noise.
But today I did.
Today I stopped to think about how the noise I consume on a daily basis had nearly drowned out my own voice. And it scared me.
Leslie was still there but she had too many layers of other peoples’ noise intricately woven into her.
The noise was something as small as how current trends affect what outfit I should wear to something as massive as to whether I should have children in my late 30s/early 40s.
What happened to how I feel? What happened to what I want? It got lost in the noise of everyone else.
Now I know we can’t live our lives in a vacuum, completely void of external noise. We are a species rooted in connection.
But I do know that I need to be better about minimizing that noise and being much more particular about what noise I allow myself to absorb so I can reconnect with my true self.
Because that noise was getting out of hand and my guess is that if you’re honest with yourself, it probably is for you, too.
So how do I plan to tune out the external noise and find the internal me while still being a citizen of this modern world?
I’m figuring that out as I write this, and will continue to work on it. I’ll let you know if I find anything and you can decide how it makes you feel.
Now don’t think the hypocrisy in my sharing this is lost on me. I recognize that I’m contributing to the noise by writing this and sharing it on social media.
But I hope that maybe this little bit of noise will resonate with those it’s supposed to and serve as a friendly reminder to pause, tune out the noise, and check in with yourself.
Are you doing life the way you want? Or are you doing it the way you think you “should” be doing it?
You only get one life as a human, so make sure it’s yours as much as possible.
