Dive deep into Netflix’s sexy show, Sex/Life, with us and a relationship coach.
By Leslie K. Hughes
The internet is all abuzz with talk of the hottest new show on Netflix, Sex/Life.
(If you haven’t binged this show yet like the rest of us, then you’ll want to hit pause on this article, cancel all your plans for the next 2 days, and do nothing but consume every minute of it. Then you can come back to read our thoughts, because we are spilling all the tea here.)
The infamous shower scene is enough to get people talking, but when you throw in all the other steamy sex scenes, the plot, the end that left us wanting more, and the meaning behind it all, you’ve got a melting pot of hot topics to dive into.
Let’s start with the mix of reviews on Sex/Life. Some people loved it, some people hated it. Some of the love was based simply on the fact that it was a show about sex; some of the love was based on the show’s messaging and meaning.
On the other hand, some people hated the show. Like, loathed it. Some of the hate was due to the massive amounts of sex in it; some of the hate was due to the show’s messaging and meaning.
You’ve seen the show, so you’ve certainly got your opinion on it. Regardless of your overall takeaway from Sex/Life, we can all agree that Netflix took a risk (albeit, a calculated one) and created a show that isn’t afraid to talk about sex.
And I am here for it. At Visceral, we say aloud what others only whisper, because we think those things are worth saying.
The majority of us are having sex, so why is everyone so afraid to talk about it? Or watch shows about it? The level of comfort in talking about sex or watching sex on television varies greatly from person to person, and we certainly respect that.
However, I love that those of us who are more comfortable talking about the topic have a show that reflects that, especially a mainstream show.
So, I will step off my soapbox now and get into the details of Sex/Life and what there is to love and hate about this steamy show.
To help us in digesting some of the deeper meanings of the show, we chatted with Relationship and Behavioral Coach Isabella Imani. Isabella has spent the last 7+ years working with leaders of Fortune 500 companies and other individuals to help them live their best life by breaking through limiting and subconscious behavioral patterns.
Many times, Isabella finds that these patterns rear their ugly heads in relationships, which is where her expertise really comes into play.
Since you likely guessed that the relationships in Sex/Life aren’t exactly the ideal definition of healthy, we are excited for you to hear what Isabella has to say about them, and the show in general.
VM | What was your takeaway from the overall theme of the show?
II | I love how they were sexually liberal and empowering when it came to women.
I like that it ended basically Glennon Doyle-style by saying, “women can have it all and should be free and not play small and suppress our desires.” I LOVE THIS!
Women, just like men, are sexual beings who are wildly dynamic. It’s cool to see this show push the gender norms to the edge.
VM | What was your view of the show from a relationship perspective?
II | I loved how it highlighted very real fears that long-term, monogamous relationships have.
About 90% of couples have at least one crisis in the lifetime of their relationship (I’m currently writing a course on infidelity).
So, it’s not about praying bad things won’t happen, but realizing they will and having the skills to know what to do about it when it happens.
Ultimately, this is how the marriage can be salvaged, if that’s their desire.
VM | What are some of the themes you saw in this show that represent and reflect reality?
II | This show was packed with themes, and here are some of the most prevalent ones:
- Wildfire relationship (hot and heavy start but burns out quick)
- Emotionally unavailable partners
- Low self-worth
- Lack of authenticity (lost self/inner child wounds)
- Push-pull relationship dynamics
- Trauma bonds
- Societal gender norms/expectations
- Fantasy bonds
- Addiction to chaos
- Wounded feminine energy
- Wounded masculine energy
- Defensiveness
- Transference
- Repetition compulsion
- Mother wounds
- Stonewalling
- Father wounds
- Codependency
- Emotional abuse
- Emotional bypassing (numbing, promiscuity)
- Pedistalling
- Contempt
- Power struggle
- Betrayal (different than infidelity)
- Infidelity
- Internalized misogyny
VM | Whew! That’s a lot. Can you dive deeper?
II | I felt like this show really shed light on the complexities of relationships and human dynamics.
Even if we do find our match, relationships/humans will always be far from perfect. And that’s okay! Because it’s real and IS to be expected.
VM | What do you think is the most important message about relationships that people can take away from watching Sex/Life?
II | This is an oversimplification, but I tell my clients that there are three stages of a relationship:
- Courting
- Maintaining
- The end
Not all couples will go through each stage, but each stage will require a different skill set – skills that many of us are not properly equipped with.
Think about it, when was the last time you took a course on how to have a healthy relationship? Many of us just took shots in the dark trying to learn how to have a healthy relationship from other people who didn’t know how to have healthy relationships of their own.
No one teaches us this in schools!
VM | What happens when you don’t have the right idea of what a “healthy relationship” looks like, as Billie and Brad struggled with in Sex/Life?
II | When we are dating unconsciously, unaware of our unhealed childhood wounds, we tend to project these wounds onto our partners.
We select partners that mirror back the best and worst parts of our primary caregivers. This is known as your Imago Match.
So if we grew up in homes where our parents weren’t emotionally available (or even were!), our old brain subconsciously looks for that in our partners as a way to heal old wounds from the past (cc: repetition compulsion).
In this case: Billie and Brad. Clearly, there is unfinished business as they participate in the wildfire trauma bond which enables a complex emotional reward system similar to the highs and lows experienced in drug addicts.
VM | What about Cooper? Did he lose because he was a “nice guy” and the safe/secure option for Billie?
II | Do nice guys finish last?
Not necessarily.
However, it requires two partners becoming consciously aware of their subconscious patterns and unhealed traumas and making an active/committed decision to work through them together in order to heal and grow that will allow for a healthy partnership to flourish.
Will season 2 of Sex/Life take us through Billie healing traumas from Brad, and Cooper and Billie healing their own traumas to end in happiness for all? We can’t wait to find out.
As long as there are more sexy scenes that serve as great material for getting us in the mood, we are here for it.
