The relationship you have with yourself is the most important one you experience in your life. Here’s how to make it good.
By Leslie K. Hughes
Human beings are complex (understatement of the century).
We live in a world where we work to please others and we aim to gain acceptance in a range of ways. And social media has only exacerbated this need for approval. It seems as if we are constantly seeking validation from strangers; hoping for an Instagram like here, a TikTok view there from people that you’ve never met, and probably never will.
But what about pleasing yourself? What about gaining acceptance for yourself? What about not only liking yourself but loving yourself?
You can’t be the best version of yourself for others if you don’t show up as the best version of yourself for yourself.
Self-love is something that you hear a lot about, but are you actually practicing it?
This form of love goes much deeper than simply taking a bath and putting on a face mask (though those things can definitely be part of the process).
As complex beings, we have multiple layers that we need to love differently. And today, we are teaching you how to do that.
Let’s dive into the layers that exist under the surface so you can learn the full spectrum of loving yourself.
How to Love Your Physical Self
Loving the physical self is a challenge, and is something that most people struggle with. This is not exclusive to women – men struggle with loving their physical selves too.
What does loving this part of you look like?
It looks like listening to your body and hearing what it needs. Our bodies are far more powerful than we consciously comprehend and they send us signals of what they want and need – we just have to be willing and available to listen.
Which is no easy feat.
Think of something like sleep. Do you struggle to get out of bed in the morning? Like really struggle? Like the-snooze-button-is-your-BFF struggle? Chances are good that doesn’t mean you’re lazy. It means that you need more sleep and your body is trying to tell you that.
And sometimes, you may find that you need a solid 12 hours of sleep so your body can get back on track. Instead of fighting what your body wants and forcing yourself to get up in the morning and hustle, slow down and listen to what it is telling you it needs.
By giving your body what it needs, your physical self will thank you, and the self-love will flow.
Here are some ways to start showing yourself some love now:
- Sleep as much as your body needs
- Exercise regularly
- Take walking breaks
- Eat well
How to Love Your Mental Self
Some may find that the mental part is the hardest part to love. That just means you need to put extra time into caring for this part of you.
Our minds are capable of convincing us of all kinds of things. Thus, one important thing to keep in mind when working on loving the mental part of yourself is to know that you are not your thoughts.
Another time for the people in the back: YOU ARE NOT YOUR THOUGHTS.
You can observe your thoughts, and choose whether to accept them or deny them. If those thoughts aren’t positive or aren’t benefiting you in any way (like teaching you a lesson), work on choosing to shift them into something that supports you more and gives you the love that you need.
It is vital that you look to yourself for positivity and love first rather than depend upon other people to give them to you.
Understand that there are some days where positive thoughts just might not happen, and that’s okay. Those are the days that it is especially important to detach your thoughts from yourself and observe them as if you are an outsider.
Here are some ways to work on loving your mental self:
- Talk to yourself like you would talk to a friend (which we hope is in a loving and supportive way)
- Train your mind to look at things more positively. If something goes wrong, look for a silver lining rather than focus on the negative.
- Work on judging yourself less
- STOP COMPARING YOURSELF TO OTHERS. When you notice yourself doing this (which we all do from time to time), immediately say something you love about yourself.
- Start your day with a gratitude list to get off on the right foot of positivity
- Try meditating – even if it’s just for 5 minutes
- Give your mental energy to people who give their mental energy back to you. Do not spend your time on those who are energy sucks!
How to Love Your Emotional Self
We are emotional beings and it is key to recognize that emotions come and go. No emotion is permanent, so work on flowing with them as much as possible.
The more you are in tune with your emotions, the better you’ll know yourself, and the easier it will be to love yourself through the highs and lows.
Feeling sad isn’t necessarily a bad thing – it is an opportunity to look at the parts of you that need growth and extra love. Rather than force happiness when you are feeling sad, it is important to take the time to sit with your current emotion and face what is making you feel this way.
Some of the habits to bring into your life to help you love your mental self are:
- Journal your thoughts, good and bad
- Take a walk. This can be a form of therapy that helps you process tough emotions.
- Don’t obsess over the past. What’s done is done. Focus on the lessons you can learn from what mistakes you’ve made rather than the mistakes themselves. Take those lessons with you into the future.
- Try not to judge your feelings as “good” vs “bad.” Look at them objectively.
- Don’t brush feelings under the rug. You owe it to yourself to look deeper to understand what’s going on and not just pretend like everything’s fine when it’s definitely not.
How to Love Your Spiritual Self
Regardless of where you stand on ideas of religion, you can’t deny that we all have some sort of spiritual being in us.
That spirit wants us to be true to ourselves, to love ourselves. Once we align with that spiritual side, the real magic of life happens.
But how do you do that? How do you connect with your spirit and learn to love it?
Here are some of the ways we work to connect with our spiritual selves:
- Pay attention to what brings you happiness. Do you dread your work every day? That is likely your spirit telling you that you’re meant to do something else. Take the time to listen and explore other interests.
- Follow your gut. This is your inner spirit talking, and usually, it knows what it’s talking about.
- Trust in whatever you believe to be your higher source. It could be the universe, god, really anything you want it to be. But trust that it has your best intentions at heart.
- Look at life as a way to understand what your purpose on earth is. Why did your soul bring you here? What are you meant to do? Follow that.
